Seven Tips to Avoid a Short-Term Celebrity Marriage

Whether 72 days, 18 days or a mere 55 hours, celeb marriages just seem destined to give love a bad name. While there’s no tried and true formula for predicting what will ultimately make a marriage fail or succeed for anyone, I think we can glean some insight from the marital mistakes our fave celebs can’t help making. Here are the top seven lessons to be learned from quickie Hollywood unions that implode almost before the ink on the marriage license is dry.

1. Vegas is always the wrong choice. From the latest Vegas wedding fiasco brought to us by Sinead O’Connor (her marital bliss lasted 18 days, despite a brief reuniting) to the famous drunken nuptials of Britney Spears (lasting a whopping 55 hours), if you want to celebrate your 25^th wedding anniversary you’d do well to steer clear of this famous wedding destination. Carmen Elektra, who married Dennis Rodman in the city of sin (only to call it quits after nine days) had this to say, “My advice is to not get married in Vegas.” ‘Nuff said.
2. Placing more emphasis on the wedding than the marriage does not lead to happily ever after. Like our dear friend Kim Kardashian (her “marriage” lasted a mere 72, caught-on-film days), many celebs are blinded by the glitz and glamour of having the most ridiculously extravagant wedding ever and they often don’t think one second beyond the “I do’s.” As much as it may seem like the whole goal is to throw a kick-ass party, the really hard work starts after all the hullabaloo dies down and it’s just two people figuring out how to shuffle through the world together.
3. A non-binding, ‘practice’ wedding is a good idea. While living together hasn’t proven to be a reliable predictor of lasting wedded bliss, it seems that throwing a fake wedding might be the final straw to get to incompatible people to finally go their separate ways. At least that was the case for Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds. The two tied the knot in a non-legal, French Polynesia beachfront ceremony shared with friends and family. It only took a few hours after the couple was presented as husband and wife for their guests to become witnesses to a honeymoon from hell, complete with yelling and a crying bride locking herself in the bathroom.  The couple ditched plans for a legal ceremony and parted ways two weeks after the wedding-in-paradise fiasco.
4. Just because you get married by a psychic doesn’t mean it’s meant to last. When a 19-year-old Drew Barrymore proposed to and wed her boyfriend of six weeks, Jeremy Thomas, I’m sure she was confident in the staying power of the union. After all, the two were joined in holy matrimony by a Hollywood psychic. It only makes sense that a psychic would never preside over a marriage that they knew wasn’t going to work out – after all, they’re psychic! However, the fate of these two crazy kids must have been a bit hazy for the psychic that night, as the couple kissed their future goodbye after just 29 days.
5. Long-distance marriages suck. Kim K. and Humph weren’t the first couple to struggle about how to live together after tying the knot. Nicky Hilton and her former hubby, Todd Meister, barely made it to the two-month mark after getting hitched. The couple, who dated for a brief three months before throwing together a hasty wedding in Vegas (refer to Lesson #1) cited their long-distance relationship as a big contributor to the dissolution of the marriage. I don’t think I will ever understand how two people can make a huge decision to spend the rest of their lives together and never once ask the question, “Where do you think we should live?” Duh! Living together is like one of the most obvious and least challenging things that normal, married people do. Come on, Hollywood, pull your head out!
6. Idolizing your spouse’s parents isn’t enough. Nicolas Cage, a huge Elvis Presley fan, wed the King’s daughter, Lisa Marie, in 2002. I’m sure Nic had to change his underwear a few times due to his excitement at nailing down this living link to his idol and the blessed event took place on the 25^th anniversary of Elvis’ death (creepy!). It seems, however, that his disturbing devotion to her papa wasn’t enough to keep Lisa Marie happy. The couple left the building as husband and wife for the last time after only three months.
7. If you’re scared of a lifelong commitment, marry Jennifer Lopez. No one was more surprised than me when JLo’s marriage to Marc Anthony just kept going and going. I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did. Maybe if Marc had paid closer attention to who he was pledging to honor ‘til death do them part, he would have known that she’s more of a get in and get out quickly kind of gal. JLo’s shortest marital union was to Cris Judd, one of her backup dancers (hmmm…there’s something familiar about that). This short-lived marriage, in spite of the lavish JLo-style wedding, went down in flames after a mere eight months.