Charlie Sheen Publicly Proclaims: “I’m Not Crazy Anymore”

Not only is Charlie Sheen still alive and kicking – but he’s also no longer crazy. The actor/’Rock Star from Mars’ made the non-crazy declaration himself, according to People magazine.

“I’m not crazy anymore,” Sheen proudly exclaimed. “That was an episode.” Sheen went on to state that he is “a different person than I was yesterday. Everything is a lot more mellow and focused and much more rooted in reality.”

Those reality roots may have something to do with him spending less time with goddesses and more time with his kids. Sheen is also well underway launching his new project for FX, Anger Management, a sitcom based on the movies made famous by Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler.

But can we really believe that Sheen has left behind the wild days of tiger blood, winning and romping with goddesses to join the ranks of the sane, gainfully employed and decidedly not crazy? The most convincing evidence may be that his breakdown actually turned out the be one of the best things to happen to this wacky dude’s career in a long, long time – and he got to enjoy it blitzed out of his mind and surrounded by dimwitted, scantily-clad bimbos. He was, after all in the headlines for months and he got a celebrity roast and new TV series out of it. Not too shabby.

Although, I have to wonder, if you need to make a public statement that you’re no longer crazy, doesn’t the necessity of the statement prove the point? I mean, if you have to declare from a mountaintop that you are not at a loss for where your marbles are, doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Methinks our man Charlie may be protesting too much. And why should we believe this most recent statement of his? Did anyone really believe him when he said he had tiger blood in his veins or that he was a rock star of extraterrestrial origins? Come on, if you ask me (and no one really has, but I’m going to tell you anyway) this is just one more remark that proves just how much Charlie is, indeed, “winning.”

The dude is whack, people! Who cares if he declares himself sane, reincarnated from an ancient tiger-blood-filled god or a born-again sinner who plans to open a mega-church in his backyard? Whatever he says has the shelf-life of a kumquat. The one thing upon which we can rely, however, is that this not bat-shit crazy man will always keep us entertained – for better or for worse. I sort of hope he holds it together for his kids, although a really horrible part of me is kinda already missing the outrageous nonsensical statements and ticking time bomb that Sheen served up with so much gusto throughout 2011.