2012 is Predicted to Be the Year of Movie Sequels

A quick Google search reveals there are well over 20 sequels that will be churned out in 2012, and those are just the ones we know about right now. We’re not talking Alpha and Omega 2 either, these are well-known or highly-anticipated films. Because “highly-anticipated” rarely means “talented” or “high-quality,” I’ve decided to help demystify which of the two-dozen sequels/prequels you should spend your time waiting in midnight lines for. Parameters for predicting worthiness will be split into commercial and critical success, since often they’re two completely different things. Beyond those categories, the prediction of whether a movie will “flop” or “fly” (since alliteration is crucial for making memorable forecasts) will be based on the quality/success of the -quel’s adjacent titles, casting quality, and my gut feeling.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Fly

The Hobbit is Tolkien’s least popular novel set in Middle-Earth, but Peter Jackson has a knack for trimming the literary fat from his films. Based solely off the success of LOTR, expect The Hobbit to be well-cast and an economic success.

The Expendables 2

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Confirmed cast members include Sly Stallone, Randy Couture, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Chuck Norris. Much like the first film, this is a pantheon of manliness. And just like the first film, it won’t be very good.

The Dark Knight Rises

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Fly

Is there a more potent force in Hollywood right now than Christopher Nolan and Tom Hardy? They’re batting 1000, and we reap the benefits.

The Avengers

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Fly

Ocean’s 12 proved that overdosing on star-power can be fatal, but Iron Man 3…er, The Avengers might be able to pull it off. I worry about Scarlett Johansson in what should be a minor role—we’ll see if she can play it that way.

Men in Black 3

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Time travel is difficult to pull off, and making Tommy Lee Jones look fifty years younger is impossible—so apparently they won’t even try. The first was innovative, the second was schmaltzy, and the third will be…re-redundant?

Wrath of the Titans

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Clash of the Titans has an average rating of 4.3/10 on Rotten Tomatoes…not a great foundation to build on. The silver lining to Wrath is that filmmakers won’t feel bound to a template, so at least they won’t ruin a classic. The trailers at least look better than the 1981 version.

Underworld: Awakening

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Fly

This film could go either way. The Lycan prequel was unimpressive, but the first two films were decent. Kate Beckinsale will bring in money, and the plot seems promising, but it’s gonna be heard to rectify how this film apparently begins and the second ended.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Commercial- Flop

Critical- Flop

Nicky Cage is death to any well-written screenplay, but even if this fails—which is likely—could it be any worse than the original?

Resident Evil: Retribution

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Somehow the RE franchise survived the first film and grew to create some decent flicks by their third try. Afterlife was a step back in screenplays, but visually appealing and was a commercial success; Retribution will probably be the same.

The Bourne Legacy

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Fly

“Another Bourne? Count me in.” I just quoted you come opening day.

G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

G.I. Joe versus Zartan…wait, who’s Zartan? G.I. 1 was a couple hours of cheesy contradictions and bad acting. Throw the name Zartan into that mix and only 12 year-olds will be cheering.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Horror movies abound in great ideas and poor implementation of those concepts. Any movie with our favorite dream-stalking serial killer doesn’t have the benefit of either. They’re all well implemented, bad ideas. What does that nonsense even mean? That Freddy will be back with another underwhelming slasher, but that we’ll have to go see it to know that it’s bad.

Step Up 4

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

We don’t watch Step Up for the plot, and the dancing is incredible, so calling this a money-making eye-roller is a no-brainer.

Scary Movie 5

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

The storyline will be nonsensical but that doesn’t mean the writing won’t be good. It’s been eight years since the last Scary Movie, which should be enough time to forget how bad it was.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Commercial- Fly

Critical- Flop

Bella. Edward. Jacob. Kinky love triangles, middle-aged female fan base, and the culmination of the Twilight saga. We already know the books are a thematic failure, but financial success for the movie is inevitable.